For some reason I always related self love to being selfish. Not sure if my environment conditioned me to believe so, or what is was, but I found myself fearful of loving myself “too much”. Something in me believed that if I cared about me too much, I would not care about others. Such an attitude would make me likely to be narcissistic and I’d potentially end up not giving a shit about anyone…ever. It was either that or I would become too vain and conceited. No one would be given a chance to know me if I loved me.
Somehow I feel as though that held me back from giving myself praise for being me. I was even scared to think about myself too much so I would attempt to redirect my thoughts from self to others. Sounds extreme, but sadly such was the reality. Being selfish was a fear of mine.
So now, I am trying to rewire my mind to realizing that self love is necessary. It does not mean you only care for self, but that you stand proud to be you. It means standing naked in front of others and allowing them to see you for who you are. Pride. Such a beautiful thing. And confidence to be able to be you entirely and not be phased by the looks from others. That, that is so attractive.
Watched a TED talk about self love the other day. This woman just exuded freedom from any judgmental opinions people held of her. Something about the way she talked and laughed and had disorganized speech felt so right and utterly beautiful. She seemed so sure yet unsure about herself, but it was okay because she fought the negative self talk she possessed and landed herself on TED. I was so in awe of her being.
I desire to bear such confidence and self-assurance. Can’t wait to see what I have in store within me to embrace myself.
“The greatest risk one can take in life is not taking one.”