5:00 am: alarm rings. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Snooze. 5:05 am: alarm rings again. If I get lucky, I turn off the second alarm before it goes off.
Then comes the regular thoughts following in the same order. “Why did I choose to work this early in the morning?” “Why did I not go to bed earlier?” “Why am I even in college again? Just one more minute (the greatest misconception of time).”
Repetitive motions. Walk outside, smell skunk, walk into work, clock in, make parfaits, annoy my lovely British boss, ruin people’s eardrums with my morning hums, make salad, say “have a good day”, clock out, take snaps of the sunrise, back to the room and straight to my bed.”
Talk about human nature, I’m the perfect example of pattern. When that regular pattern fails to be kept, I’m thrown off guard.
Today, inconsistency happened.
In between washing strawberries and getting excited for payday, kindness was bestowed to me. My lovely British boss placed a hand on my shoulder causing my sympathetic nervous system to raise my heart rate and blood pressure (look at me, I actually remember something from Anatomy and Physiology).
I thought, “no she can’t be firing me, I actually always make it to work one minute before time. So what could it possibly be? Oh it’s got to be a raise or a promotion! No, my university and it’s ‘paying people depending on their class standing’ rule wouldn’t allow that.”
As all these thoughts were rushing in my mind I realized I actually really needed to void. That water that I had been drinking for the past two hours to keep myself awake had, in good time, transported nicely into my weak bladder.
“Esther,” long pause. “You’re amazing you know that?”
*Me glaring at her as though she accidentally said something she didn’t mean.* “I am?”
I questioned her as her comment refrained from following the regularities of the daily routine. Not once during the whole year and a couple months that I had been working there did she ever mention that.
“Yes. You’re really amazing. Like seriously, you’re amazing.”
“Umm….” Unable to formulate my thoughts coherently, I just smiled. I think that actually might have been that cheat day motivating her to keep going because that’s exactly what she did.
At that point however, I had lost my train of thought and was flying in another galaxy elsewhere.
I can’t quite put my finger on what it is about people speaking kindly about me to me that throws me off guard. I cannot get over the beauty of proclaiming to others their beauty.
I do not recall the conversation that took place after for my thoughts were so focused on that one proclamation — simple, yet so profound. The mere fact that she could turn her inner silence into voice and speak out the beauty inside of me sparked me.
Kindness is free. (Momma wasn’t lying when she said “the best things in life are free.”) When you bestow it to someone, they’re encouraged to bestow it onto someone else as well. That is its power. The domino effect that is formed can touch more people than social media. The more kindness we spread around, the more we influence others to no longer silence their thoughts but to give them a voice.
Speak now before they’re placed in a wooden coffin waiting to be put into the ground. What good are your words then when they’re just full of guilt and ingenuity?