Meaning. | June 16, 2016

In honor of #throwbackthursday. I was reading over my old posts since what is there better to do at this time of night anyway? I especially love this piece that I wrote on October 23, 2015.

“There was once born an idea into the mind of a sixteen year old me that it was possible to experience the world and its rich culture with second to nothing. Not only that, it was also possible to make money while doing it!

For most of my adolescence life, something hit me that told me that better things than 9-5 shifts working a mundane job were awaiting for me. For some reason, I received this feeling that I was capable of a much more satisfying and humbling simple lifestyle. The last thing I desired was to wake up every morning wishing I had stayed asleep. I craved the success that most would simply deem as a vacation— something temporary. Yet, ever since I dreamed that dream and watched numerous Youtube videos about travelling the world, I have not found myself content with anything but that ONE idea.

 

College wasn’t supposed to be part of the plan as it would simply hinder me and lock me up for four years just to toss me out into a world of debt and materialism. Among my list of wishes, dissatisfaction was not one of them. Little did I know I was leading myself into a life of routine and predictability by coming here.

I often wonder what life would be like if I decided to just drop out, with no means to even provide for myself. With no dream to chase and no plan— simply a search for adventure, happiness, and inconsistency. A life that appears tangible, yet is actually sustainable. Would I find something and then realize it’s what I’ve been unknowingly searching for this entire time? Would I be forever grateful to myself for following my “intuition”?

What would life be like? What would life be like if I just took the risk and jumped. What would be waiting for me on the bottom?”

It’s been almost a year now and I’m still in college. I still haven’t jumped so I haven’t discovered the answer to that golden question yet.

So much has happened since October of last year. I am just now getting around to rediscovering the dreams that I used to huff and puff about. With that comes a lot of new discoveries as well. Even though in that time I lost complete sense of who I was and who I yearned to be, I gained a lot of wisdom.

I am and will always be forever thankful for that period of dispersion.

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