Dear Izrayel: A Letter to My Unborn Child| June 10, 2016

My dear child Izrayel, I couldn’t wait to meet you and hold you in my arms. You would’ve been 17 weeks today. Your ears would’ve been developed enough to where you could be able to hear us talk to you. You would be peeking through my belly by now.

Izrayel, I couldn’t wait to have you enter into the world and be ours.Even amidst all the circumstances that you were formed in, you were still going to be a blessing to us and the world. Me and dad weren’t going to allow you to become a statistic. We were going to give you the universe and raise you to the best of our ability.

Man I wanted to tickle your little toes and kiss your big forehead. I was so eager to pull those sleepless nights just to take care of you Izzy. I couldn’t imagine a feeling as great as holding you against my chest and singing you a lullaby (more like attempting to, horrendously). But it would’ve been okay because you wouldn’t have known how bad your mother sounded anyway.

I thought about the pain that I would have to endure to bring you into such a sinful world. And the pain that you would have to endure being born into an incomplete family– to two children with limited knowledge on babies. You would almost be an experiment except an overly cute one that throws tantrums. Yet through all that pain, you would come out a conqueror.

I imagined you turning out better than us. Growing up in a nice home full of love and support. You wouldn’t be spoiled, but we would give you the things we wanted for ourselves. Not enough to spoil you of course, but enough to where you wouldn’t have to struggle or be picked on.

Izrayel, I love you with all my heart.
There is absolutely NO ONE or ANYTHING that has been able to give me so much joy and happiness. You gave me a purpose. Waking up at 5 am to go to work instantly became so much easier. I was ecstatic to pick up some extra shifts to be able to support you–my pride and joy.

I don’t think I truly knew what love was until I “met” you. You showed me the meaning of love. A love like no other.

Wow. I absolutely love you.
I’m mad that God would allow you to be taken you away from us. Our first dear child. Why? It makes no sense. Why us? Why now? Why all this after everything we’ve ever been through? Why allow the devil to take away our precious child.
NO! NO! NO!

It’s not fair. Why do others get to experience having a beautiful healthy child, but ours has to be taken away? I can’t even bear the sight or pregnant women or babies anymore. That could’ve been Izzy.
That could’ve been Izzy.

They say everything happens for a reason, but I don’t see a reason why anyone’s child should be taken away from them. No one should have to lose their child. NO ONE.

God has a purpose and a plan for everything though. And Izzy, you were somehow a part of this plan.

I love you Izrayel.

Can’t wait to meet you in heaven.

 

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