How to feel alive. | June 17, 2015

Was watching this TED talk yesterday that spoke on how to feel alive. The speaker said that the only way to truly feel alive is by being honest (not only with ourselves but with those around us as well). He explained that we often look to entertainment to make us feel “alive” and to give us a sense of “living”. Instead of seeking for that feeling in other things, we can easily find it within ourselves. When we lie, we create a false reality and a false identity. Our lies hinder us from truly being ourselves as we become accustomed to living the “lie” that we have created. Day by day we continue to allow the lie to cloud our “aliveness” as we cannot truly be alive until we are honest with ourselves. When we become honest with ourselves and those around us, then we no longer have to experience the confusion that comes with separating reality from a lie.

 So when some person quoted “The truth shall set you free”, they actually had something going.

Continue reading “How to feel alive. | June 17, 2015”

Advertisements

Letter to My 25 Year-old Self |July 5, 2015

Here’s a letter dedicated to the future me (if I make it to see my 25th birthday which obviously I will).

Hey there you! I bet by now you’ve probably forgotten that you even wrote this and you’re laughing at yourself wondering if you’ve become everything your 17-year-old self imagined you to be.

IF YOU HAVEN’T RIDDEN AN OSTRICH YET, I’m gonna be so pissed.

Please, please, please, PLEASE tell me you still exercise at least 5 days a week. Ones body is a preciously prized possession and I hope and pray you’ve been taking care of it. In my mind I picture a strong woman with an average of 18 percent or less body fat. Yes, i know that’s insane to picture, but remember you’ve been working your whole life to be fit and healthy. Come on, no excuses! It’s been 8 years, by now you should’ve ran a marathon or to. Or at least even a half marathon and a half iron man. Continue reading “Letter to My 25 Year-old Self |July 5, 2015”

“What good is his love if she don’t love herself?”| February 15, 2015

“What good is his love if she don’t love herself?”

Damn. That’s deep. If she doesn’t ever learn how to love herself, how is she ever gonna allow him to love her? See, her selfishness, allows her to grow. It allows her to carefully learn of every nip and tuck in her character, brain and body. She will no longer feel the need to be reminded of who she is. She won’t be defined by having a man, by having him say “yes” or “no” to all her decisions. She won’t need someone to tell her “good morning beautiful” cause guess what, the sun greets her joyfully every morning. She will be fully comfortable with herself and her entire being. She’ll hug herself when getting ready and dance and sing out the top of her lungs in the shower. She’ll travel, ALONE, because she’s wants to explore. And she’ll be totally comfortable being alone, she probably won’t even notice.

 

And eventually, when she does decide she’s ready to get a man, her man won’t make decisions for her, but with her.

Self Love | August 27, 2017

For some reason I always related self love to being selfish. Not sure if my environment conditioned me to believe so, or what is was, but I found myself fearful of loving myself “too much”. Something in me believed that if I cared about me too much, I would not care about others. Such an attitude would make me likely to be narcissistic and I’d potentially end up not giving a shit about anyone…ever. It was either that or I would become too vain and conceited. No one would be given a chance to know me if I loved me. Continue reading “Self Love | August 27, 2017”

Live Free | July 13, 2017

A lot of people glance at me twice when I tell them I’m not going back to school next semester. Well, originally that is how it began anyway. With the subtle lies of “oh I may be going back” to “I’m just taking a semester off” to my absolute favorite one: “I’m not sure yet.” I roll my head back and chuckle uncontrollably at such bullshit. Absolute rubbish.

I refuse to go back to that mental hole encompassed with overly revisited dreams and lonely lecture halls. I cannot emotionally allow myself to enroll back into a living hell—a tactically induced sadness that loved to announce itself abruptly and suck the droplets of my happiness and condense them into 9,000 negative thoughts. Opening my eyes daily to memorizing scientific names of medications I would never prescribe may have just been the insanity which Einstein spoke of. That forsaken melancholic state of numbness could no longer be tolerable.

I gave in to self.

And that, that is why “I’m dropping out of school.”  Continue reading “Live Free | July 13, 2017”

Code Blue.| June 8,2017

Between the daily rituals of observation that never seem to override our persistent thoughts, exists our undeniable desire to breathe more than just oxygen.

We are suffocating under a spell of routine, yet we’re still not blue enough to realize that the hopelessness inhibiting us from awakening is not just

Depression.

Anxiety.

Bipolar Disorder.

Conditions curable with just enough encapsulated tablets just to lead us back down the time capsule to the day we failed to recognize anything further than “Me, me, me.” Continue reading “Code Blue.| June 8,2017”

Uncertainty| March 15, 2017

Last night I was given the opportunity to experience one of the most beautiful things a human can be exposed to– a crossroad. The uncertainty in one’s thought process as they are faced with a predicament cannot be described as anything less than exquisite.

I sometimes wonder why we do not allow ourselves to face these crossroads more often in life. We quickly shut our minds off to many ideas and dreams we could have achieved simply so that we will not have to undergo uncertainty and risk. Protective mechanism I guess you could call it.

After last night, seeing someone stuck between two conflicting decisions and choosing to take her “own” road, revealed something to me. Life is not as black and white as we make it seem. Journeys are individual. At the end of the day, we must make sure to take care of ourselves, take risks, survive, and come out on the other end— Happy.